Gamepad: The Destiny April Update Is Amazing


Pardon me for being so blunt with the title of this post, but there are so many thoughts racing through my head right now. So first things first, Destiny receivedĀ a major update a few days ago, which among other things, re-introduced Prison of Elders, an end-game activity from the previous expansion: House of Wolves. And it’s just so tasty!

Let’s not pretend that Bungie doesn’t feel somewhat threatened by ‘The Division’. After all, Ubisoft’s online shooter came at a time when ‘Destiny’ wasn’t doing so great, in fact it was doing awful. So the live-team (the team responsible for supporting ‘Destiny’ at the moment) came up with a few ways to give the game a much needed refreshment, and I’ll admit that we’re in the “Honeymoon phase” as a famous face of the ‘Destiny’community put it, and we’re overlooking many problems and hiccups right now (like the new exotics that were removed from the armory after the update went live) but I have to say that I’m enjoying the game in a way that I haven’t felt in a long time. Why? Well to be honest, even though the update is all around an activity we’re already used to, it’s refreshed in a new and exciting way, along with quality of live improvements and whatnot. But as a whole, it turned the game into a much more rewarding experience and I feel like every minute I spend is not in vain.

If you’re unfamiliar with Prison of Elders (or PoE) it’s a round based survival mode in ‘Destiny’, and the goal is to beat round 4, then you can enter the Queen’s treasury and claim your reward… if you have a key…flash forward about a year and the key system’s removed, the PoE is brought to year 2 standards meaning that it’s a level 41 activity, and there’s also a new mode called ‘Challenge of the Elders’ which from now on will have different modifiers each week. First week’s modifiers are pretty easy, primary weapon damage is increased, and precision shots score more points. Ah, right! THE POINTS! So, Challenge of the Elders is based around scoring points, you buy a token each week and it requires you to score 30 000 points and get to 90 000. At 30k you get a guaranteed weapon drop, and at 90k you get an armor piece. Now let me tell you why that’s awesome. ‘Guaranteed’ is a word that makes ‘Destiny’ players shiver with excitement because a lot of the game is based on RNG (Random-Number-Generation) and many times you’re stuck with items you don’t really need, that often have to be destroyed for materials and whatnot. Now with the new guaranteed drops every week it changes the game A LOT! I’m actually excited about drops.

Now combine this with improvement in exotic items’ light level – they drop at a much higher rate, there are now reputation boosters for both PvP and PvE, reputation gain has been increased across the board, and faction package rewards almost always contain something cool. All of that turns ‘Destiny’ into the loot-shooter it is…pardon the pun…destined to be. Sure, we’re soon going to discover new problems and things to complain about, but for now, the experience is pretty amazing and I can’t get enough of the game.




Ewan attempts to write a reality TV Show

So recently I saw my mam and dad watching Geordie Shore, a show about bumbling thick tosspots from Newcastle going out and getting shit faced to fuck anything that’s three tones of orange away from “Citrus Orange” and then they say “Whey aye man” as all people from Newcastle do. And I thought, if this money-making machine can leach onto any twat with an IQ lower than 45 then I want in on the shit show. I want my piece of the pie and a bit of money on the side. So I went to my local TV broadcasting station, and the conversation went a little bit like this…

Ewan: Hello, I’m Ewan, I called earlier about a new TV Show?

TV Man: Ah yes I remember, the nervous wreck who kept stumbling over his words, yeah, yeah, take a seat. So, what’s the idea for the new show?

Ewan: Well, actually I’ve had a couple of ideas about a number of different things.

TV Man: Excellent, as long as we can slap some gormless bastards into it then we can make enough money to build a rocket made out of cheese on a one way course to Mars.

Ewan: Actually I was thinking it could be a bit more sophisticated than that.

TV Man: Not a chance. That wouldn’t work in a popular environment.

Ewan: But it’s based on the extremely popular game series Fallout and I’ve already planned out the first episode and who would be cast and why, along with creating a rich story that links in with the games.

TV Man: Nah, it’s shite, anything else?

Ewan: Well, I did have this idea to do with sketch shows…

TV Man: I’m listening

Ewan: Well, take the very best sketch shows, so for example Monty Python and Mitchell and Webb, then take the very best sketches from these shows and re-perform them with the same actors and in HD cameras and so on.

TV Man: So it’d basically be a way of revitalising and commemorating the best of British humour?

Ewan: Precisely.

TV Man: Nah, it’s bollocks, I’m running out patience here you stupid cunt, so you better come up with something good.

Ewan: How about a reality TV Show?

TV Man: There’s plenty of those, Big Brother, Geordie Shore, Made in Chelsea, The Only Way is Essex, Blackadder, what makes yours so special?

Ewan: Well a number of things actually.

TV Man: Would you care to name a few of them?

Ewan: For a start, it would be an elimination system similar to that of Big Brother, but instead of being evicted they all have explosive collars on and when evicted they go all Battle Royale and their collars explode, splashing orange everywhere.

TV Man: Christ Ewan, that’s a bit barbaric isn’t it?

Ewan: Nah, they’re all thickos that we can pick up off of any street in Clapham.

TV Man: Alright, fair enough, it’s a good start, but what else have you got?

Ewan: Well, the winner will receive a lifetime supply of fake tan.

TV Man: Fucking sold, where do I sign?

Now this very real conversation happened not so long ago, and you can catch The Only Way is Purging The Thickos on BBC 4 at 1:30am, I think I’ve been buggered by the listing times, but hopefully it does well, I’m getting paid in ice cream and Um Bongo.

An Hour With: Mirrors Edge

I quite recently purchased this game and planned to play it over the weekend. I played Wolfenstein: The Old Blood over the weekend instead. No matter, I’ll play it now and be back in an hour.

Right, well then. That was something else. You can take that as good or bad, if you want to find out what my opinion is (which you probably don’t) then click the “Read More” thing, if I remember to put the bloody thing in.

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